Franco/Anglophone Cultural Hall of Shame

My dear, esteemed 
francophones, if ever 
there was an opportunity 
to alternatively translate an 
English product label, 
this was your chance. Where, pray tell, is the poetry and eloquence once mustered in 
Raisin Bran's "an avalanche 
of raisins"? I assure you, the anglophone writers that came up with "pillow fights" would be none the wiser had you mistranslated the English into something less cringeworthy, like a lyric from a Celine Dion song, par exemple.

Stealing from the très drôle Elvira Kurtz, I am inducting "Old Spice After Hours body wash" and its drag-racing product-label hommes des cavernes into the Beaver Tails Franco/Anglophone Cultural Hall of Shame. 

And is that a ship floating in a bicep? Mon Dieu.